How to Know If Something Will Be Fun for You

Author and podcaster Gretchen Rubin is known for her research on happiness and her self-identified Secrets of Adulthood. (As an Enneagram One, I adored her books The Happiness Project and Happier at Home. Increasing your happiness, but with rules to know if you succeeded? Sign me up.) One of her Secrets is “What’s fun for other people may not be fun for you—and vice versa.” Another is “You can choose what you do; you can’t choose what you LIKE to do.” Both of these secrets are important to keep in mind as you determine if something will be fun for you.

Don’t Be Afraid To Try New Things

Since my aunt is in town, we’ve been having some extra adventures. A couple days ago, we went up to a mountain town where you can float down the river in an inner tube for an hour or so. It is lovely and relaxing, and we all enjoyed it. But this wasn’t our first time doing it.

Fifteen years ago, my aunt came for a similar visit. And someone suggested we do this tubing activity. I had never done it before, and I was very much NOT looking forward to it. In hindsight, I think I was simply reacting to the novelty. As an Enneagram One, I find new situations challenging. I really like to know what the rules are and how to do something the right way. And you often can’t find out the rules unless you engage. Also, there is no “right” way to float down a river.

I tried to keep my apprehension to myself and go along with the group. (My apologies to my travel companions if I was negative about this activity 15 years ago.) Turns out, I loved it. It was peaceful and relaxing. It was easy, so I didn’t have to worry about doing it wrong or messing up. The rules were clearly marked on signs!

However, while this particular activity was new for me, there were certainly aspects of it that were familiar. I’ve been on lazy rivers. I know how to swim. I don’t have any particular fears related to water. So although this was a new variation in a new place, there weren’t any red flags telling me that this might not be for me. And those matter.

Respect Your Fears

Before we went tubing this past time, we stopped by an alpine coaster. Everyone else in the group was excited to do this, including my two big kids. But I really, really don’t like heights. I don’t like feeling like I can fall. And many “coaster” rides combine those elements.

This one seemed pretty tame. But tickets were $17. And I just didn’t think it would be fun for me. So I decided to sit it out—in the air-conditioned gift shop. The girls had a great time riding solo and with their grandmother. I didn’t feel left out; I felt like I’d made the choice that was right for me.

A few years ago, we took a family trip to Chattanooga, another mountain town. I was pregnant with my now-toddler, and we were trying to find some “fun for the whole family” activities. One option was the Lookout Mountain incline railway. This 10-minute mile-long train ride boasts that it is “one of the steepest passenger railways in the world.”

My kids thought this was great. I spent the ride up trying not to panic. There’s nothing quite like pregnancy hormones to convince you that you are about to go hurtling to your death. By the time we reached the top, I was having a full-blown meltdown. I could not face getting back on the train to go down the mountain. Thankfully, my husband was able to ride the train back down to our car, drive back up, and retrieve me.

Had I not been pregnant, I probably could have made it through both rides. But I’m confident that I would not have had a good time. This experience was full of elements I know I don’t enjoy, with little else to recommend it. Rather than being a martyr and going along with the group, I should have excused myself and waited for them at the bottom of the mountain instead of having to wait at the top.

Give Yourself Grace When You Are Wrong

Of course, some new activities combine heights and fear of falling with things I really do enjoy, like new Disney experiences. So I have to weigh the pros and cons before I engage. For a while, I trying to be a completionist about Disney rides. I even rode Tower of Terror as part of this quest (I hated it). But once the TRON roller coaster opened at Magic Kingdom, I knew I was going to have to let this quest go.

My 8-year-old LOVES this roller coaster. My husband insists you feel very secure. But I’ve watched enough riders flying overhead to know that at least part of the ride would be terrifying for me. They tell me I would love the rest of it. They might be right. Nine-tenths of the experience might be my favorite ride of all time. I might be missing out, but it’s a chance I’m willing to take. I can beat myself up for not being brave. Or I can be comfortable with my limits, even if they are actually holding me back from something really fun.

In contrast, a few years ago, my cousin and I made a pilgrimage to Harry Potter World at Universal. This would surely be the perfect vacation for me. I love Harry Potter! I love theme parks! So I saved my pennies, left my kids at home, and set out for fun.

It was hot. So hot. I had a headache that wouldn’t quit. I rode the Hagrid motorbike roller coaster even though I KNEW BETTER. (We were in the very first car, and my life flashed before my eyes.) The only reason I didn’t get puke on Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey was that the ride kept stopping. It rained. We spent two and a half hours procuring a very mediocre lunch. All in all, the trip was a bust.

It would have been easy for me to be angry at myself. Something I thought was going to be really fun really wasn’t fun at all. But I had no way of knowing that until I tried (other than about the roller coaster!). I might give it another go someday—in winter. But I don’t have to be sorry that I tried something that could have been fun.

Give Others Grace About What They Like

As parents, we are trying really hard to find the balance between “we don’t yuck yums” and “that is objectively disgusting” when it comes to our children’s food choices. There is a similar balance to be found in supporting others’ fun. But for the most part, people like what they like. It’s not helpful to try to convince them differently.

It can be helpful to try to identify the root of someone’s hesitation. For me, if I’m hesitating because the experience is new, a detailed FAQ page can go a long way towards making me more comfortable with the activity. If I’m hesitating because the experience involves heights, I’m probably not going to have a good time no matter how clear the rules are.

Hot air ballooning is going to be a no for me, dawg. But if you want to do it, it’s not my job to tell you I can’t imagine how that could be fun. You do you! Just don’t try to pressure me into it. And I need to be happy for you and your adventure while you’re gone, not pouting that I was left out. Mutual respect is key.

I’ve even heard that there are people who don’t think Disney is fun. I respect their choice to stay away. It makes the lines shorter.

Is there something you think is fun that other people don’t or vice versa? Let me know in the comments!

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